Joke of the Day: August 2013

Preface: counterpart on Helpdesk comes in on Saturday to image a batch of PCs so we can deploy them the following week. At 7:30 on Sunday morning I receive this:::

I think I’m going to keep a log of my work so everyone knows what I get done.

Update 0 - 12:48 – Approached parking garage. Teller gave me a weird look because I didn’t stop and used a scan card instead. She must not be used to that on Saturdays. Was sternly stared at by the asian janitor while parking in my spot. I double checked, I was between the lines. I don’t know what he was getting at. So far, it has been a welcoming day.

Update 1 – 12:50 – Arrived on second floor. First order of business, make a pot of coffee. No-one else is here but I still set the “time-cup” to 1:00, because, you know, it’s there for a reason and I’m forgetful on Saturdays.

Update 2 – 1:00 – I wish the coffee was done, I think I could be functioning more efficiently. Organized the pit for the new finished machines. This place is a mess. Someone should pass that on to the people who run it.

Update 3 – 1:15 – Checked all 8 machines on the table, David did a great job Friday after work, all of them imaged and documented. Replaced all 8 with new ones and began documentation. Got first cup of coffee. Ugh, finally, sweet nectar of life.

Update 4 – 2:00 – Finished setting up the first 8 machines, I now firmly believe there is a direct correlation between how fast I work and how much coffee I’ve drank. Definitely getting quicker at this…

Update 5 – 2:40 – 1st machine is now imaged and completed. Beginning machine replacement. Floor now covered with imaged machines. Queue line slimming down. Almost done with 2nd cup of coffee. Beginning to notice my sentences aren’t complete. Possibly coffee. Update later.

Update 6 – 3:30 – 2nd 8 machines imaged and completed. Beginning swap rotation. 3rd cup of coffee now finished. Pot half empty. Yes, that was pessimistic. Feeling agitated. Slight trembling in left hand.

Update 7 – 4:15 – 2nd 8 machines now rotated. 4th coffee cup finished. Someone swapped the pot with brown dyed water. Can’t taste 5th cup, this sucks. Noticing both hands shaking and mental thoughts are starting to scatter. Quick break walk around 2nd floor. Stopped at window. Some guy talking to himself on street corner. I think that’s weird. Who talks to themselves? Makes me think of a homeless guy I saw when I was little. I was at the zoo. I love zoos. I think it had a lion. Which I liked because Lion King was awesome. I saw that in theatres when I was little. I love going to the theatre.

Update 8 – 4:16 - Somehow ended up across the room on 2nd floor, not sure why or how. Back in the pit and rotating machines.

Update 9 – 4:17 – Someone’s phone rang in the office. Heart rate skyrocketing. Almost peed pants.

Update 10 – 4:18 – Bathroom break.

Update 11 – 4:18:45 – Timed myself at 45 seconds. New record.

Update 12 – 4:45 – Finished rotating 3RD set of 8. 5th cup finished. Had to mentally count to find next number, it’s 6 for those wondering. On 6th cup now. Thinking has increased in difficulty.

UPDATE 13 - 5:15 – ROTATING 4TH SET. SOMEHOW BUMPED CAPSLOCK. CAN’T FOCUS LONG ENOUGH TO

UPDATE 14 – 5:45 – FINISHED 4TH SET + 2 MACHINES. UPDATED DOCUMENTATION. MISCOUNT COFFEE. ON CUP 8. DON’T KNOW WHERE SHIRT WENT.

UPDATE 15 – 6:05 – HEARING DOORS SHUTTING. FOUND CARDBOARD. BUILT FORT. COFFEE EMPTY. WILL NOT GO QUIETLY. BRANDISHING AN AIR CAN.

UPDATE 16 – 6:09 – NOISES GONE. CRAWLED OUT OF FORT. CHECKED COFFEE. EVERYTHING LOOKS DIFFERENT. LOSING MIND.

UPDATE 17 – 6:11 – FOUND OUT IM ON 4TH FLOOR. DON’T KNOW HOW. STEALTHILY SNUCK DOWN TO 2ND. COFFEE POT THERE. EMPTY. CAN’T CRY. TOO DEHYDRATED.

UPDATE 18 – ??? – LOSTTRACKOFTIMEANDMYPANTSNOWEVERYTHINGBLURRINGCANTREMEMBERHOWTOENDASENTENCE@

UPDATE 19 - ??? – illegible writing and scribbles

Update 20 – ??? – Woke up in server room with a huge headache. There is also a trail of Cheetos puffballs leading away from me.

Update 21 – ??? – Cheetos puffballs lead me into the lunch room fridge where I found my shirt. I put it on and it’s ridiculously chilly. I found another trail of Cheetos.

Update 22 – 2:15am – I walked by a clock. It’s 2:15. I think our server room is secretly a time machine. Jotting down a note to ask Jim and Kaleb later. I found my pants in the elevator. Phew, what a relief.

Update 23 – 2:19am – Arrived on second floor. All the machines are finished. Holy smokes, I wonder if Jack came in, I don’t remember anyone else besides me.

Update 24 – 2:20am – Wierdest thing all night just happened. The helpdesk area is clean. Ok, seriously, something weird is going on here. I’m freaking out, how is this possibly clean?

Update 25 – 2:21am – I think I heard another door. I didn’t stay long enough to hear whatever opened it, I’m currently sprinting out of the walkway to the garage.

Update 26 – 2:38am – Made it back home. I can’t get tonight out of my head, that image of the uncluttered helpdesk area is going to keep me up all night.

Update 27 – 4:00am – Can’t sleep.

Update 28 – 4:30am – Wrote up a plan to make a mess of the helpdesk area on Monday. I hope Jack is on board. Just poured myself a pot of coffee, I hope it helps. I’m devoting the remainder of the night and morning to touching up my plan. Goodbye.